I've Been Defeated...

...defeated by little mini-cupcakes!! My one little cupcake turned into two and then three and then four - and that was just in one sitting. I couldn't help it. I was bored and every time I walked into the kitchen a little pink cupcake would taunt me. And I caved - every time. Sigh.

Even though tomorrow is not Friday I figure I would weigh in for a couple of reasons. Since my first goal was to lose 5lbs. by February 1st I thought I might as well make the results "official" by weighing tomorrow. And second, we'll see how much damage those mean little cupcakes did.

I knew at some point this weekend my husband was going to ask about chips and other snack food. Late last night after the girls were in bed he was laying on the couch and wanted to know what there was to eat. My answer was simply "cupcakes" and he had nothing to say after that. Then after lunch today he was rummaging through the pantry looking for some chips. He wanted to know why he "had to suffer because" I couldn't control myself. I guess he makes a good point but it's not like anyone needs chips. Besides, I reminded him I had asked him Thursday night if there was anything he could possibly want to eat this weekend I might not have bought. He had his chance.

I have exercised this weekend so maybe the cupcakes haven't set me back too far. Yesterday I did my normal walking routine and today I helped shovel the driveway. This was NOT fun. For starters we don't have a snow shovel. The regular shovel we were using was too big for me. I didn't have good gloves to wear so half the time I wore no gloves at all. And for my final complaint our driveway is fairly long and slopes. But I definitely broke a sweat and worked some muscles that don't normally get worked. Of course now my lower back is killing me already even after two extra strength Tylenol.

Tomorrow will be another day at home. My husband is taking my car into work since it his truck has absolutely no heat. So I guess it will be another day of fighting the cupcake temptation.

If Only...

Included in the play food Gabrielle got for Christmas were little boxes of cookies, potato chips, cereal, etc. As I was picking up some of the boxes today I noticed there was an actual table of Nutrition Facts on the side.

From 2010 New Year Resolutions

From 2010 New Year Resolutions

If only these snacks were real!!!

Weigh-In Friday

I have not been this close to 150 since before I was expecting my first daughter four years ago! Now, if I can just keep this up...

I went grocery shopping yesterday as opposed to my normal Friday shopping. We are expecting some winter weather this weekend and here in NC any kind of winter weather can pretty much shut us down! I knew the stores today would be crazy busy and I wanted to avoid that at all costs. The stores were busier than usual yesterday but I'm sure nothing compared to what they will be like today.

Due to the impending weather and possibility of being housebound for a couple of days it was very tempting to pick up some Cheetos, some snack cakes, and all kinds of others snacky goodness. But I knew if I bought them I would not be able to control how much I ate so they remained on the shelves and not in my shopping bag. If the weather hits and we're all stuck here for the weekend, my husband may not be so happy about my willpower! But in my defense I asked him last night if there was anything he might want this weekend that I might not have bought. He had his chance!!

Gabrielle did convince me to buy some Pillsbury Valentine Funfetti cake mix with the accompanying pink frosting and heart sprinkles. I guess we'll be making cupcakes today. I thought maybe if I made the mini-cupcakes I could have one and it not be so bad. Or will I just eat more than one and it be disastrous? I probably would control myself better if it were a sheet cake or layer cake that I would have to go through the trouble of cutting and dirtying a plate and fork but I think Gabrielle has her heart set on cupcakes. Gabrielle will probably win out on this one. Hopefully regardless of weather and being stuck when Monday comes my weight will have least remained the same. As long as we have power I will be able to do my walking exercises, Ed will be able to keep himself busy with his video games and we'll all be able to keep ourselves happily occupied. If we lose power and end up bundling up all together - well I can't promise I won't eat myself sick. But hopefully, Lord willing, that won't happen!!

I am busy today getting laundry done and straightening up the house. Other than the worry of losing power, I probably am one of the few looking forward to some winter weather. I kind of like the excuse to stay inside, warm and cozy in pajamas or sweats all day, spending time playing some board games with Gabrielle, maybe doing some coloring or even Valentine crafts. I'm hoping to use the weekend to catch up on my reading - I am embarrassed to admit I am about 3 days behind on my Bible reading. I also just received a ton of photos from Snapfish. I was about 6 months behind on printing photos and am even further behind than that on actually getting them in albums. The only other thing I would love to accomplish this weekend is to get photo albums and baby books caught up.

I hope everyone has a safe, warm and relaxing weekend!!

Proverbs 19:21

"Many are the plans in a man's heart but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."

Words of Encouragement & Inspiration

Some things I "stumbled" across in my devotions, blog readings and going back through one of my journals this morning...

"Joy means the perfect fulfillment of that for which I was created and regenerated, not the successful doing of a thing." ~ Oswald Chambers

"Let a man set his heart only on doing the will of God and he is instantly free. No one can hinder him." ~ A.W. Tozer

"The beautiful thing about this adventure called faith is that we can count on Him never to lead us astray." ~ Charles Gwindoll

Five Steps to Real Change in the New Year {click to read the entire blog entry beautifully written by Ann Voskamp at (In)Courage}
1. SET BACK TO THE WIND
Set back to the wind, and let His Spirit gently carry when the feet are too weak to carry on. Not to try harder but to pray new prayers that transport to new places: “Spirit, fill more of me. Lift me, Spirit.” Set out into New Year knowing,“It is the Spirit who gives life, the flesh profits nothing" (Jn 6:36). Set back to His Wind and let Him fill the sails of life.

2. SET JAW
Set back to the wind and set jaw to persevere. "For we add to our faith, perseverance." The day will be long, the way deep. Discouraged, we'll be tempted to turn back to familiar, rutted paths. But set hand he plow and refuse to turn back. For, really, what can go awry? The Spirit’s got your back.

3. SET TIMES
Set, fixed, times to make certain tracks each day allows for the wind to move us, for inspiration to surprise us. Sporadic creativity or intermittent commitment generally fails to forge a steady trail. Progress is born out of rhythm, routine, regularity….set times.
It is how the saints met God: Daniel prayed three times a day facing Jerusalem (Daniel 6:10), the psalmist purposed to praise seven times a day, the early disciples prayed at fixed hours (Acts 2:15). If set times are the necessary catalysts for spiritual growth, so are set times critically compelling elements for life growth. With back set to the wind, and jaw set, set habitual times to pioneer new habits. Uncertain times lead to certain failure.

4. SET SIGHTS
Every day keep the intermediate goals in clear line of sight.
Set goals into achievable segments, and fix sights on the these midway markers: one pound shed this week, 15 minutes of organization, one date night a week with a child. Set sights close… “By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I am not turning back” (Phil 3:13 MSG).

5. SET OUT
Simply, finally, take the first step. Again and again. The wind, hope on its wings, sweeps each new day clean before us, and sweeps over our tracks from yesterday, filling with grace.
“Jesus said...You can’t put God’s kingdom off till tomorrow. Seize the day” (Luke 9:62 MSG).
Seize the day!

And here are some notes I wrote in a journal entry dated August 13, 2009. Unfortunately I didn't write down where I found this.
Contentment -

• is NOT complacency. It's not saying "that's all I'll ever do or be"
• is NOT self-righteousness. It doesn't come from your own efforts
• is NOT repression. It is not staying in abuse, hunger or harm's way.

Contentment

• IS sufficient. pray that God will give you joy to fill the empty places
• IS enough. It is a work within that opens your heart and eyes.
• IS full. It reveals your true blessings.

Weigh-In Friday

This week only half a pound. I can't say I'm surprised after the last couple of days. Disappointed? Oh yeah, most definitely. I know the weight will be harder and harder to lose as I near my goal but the week started out so promising. On Monday and Tuesday I was feeling energized and happy and while those days were in no way near perfection, they were good days. Then on Wednesday I hit a wall. The day started out just like Monday and Tuesday. I was up early, had my devotion time, even got my exercising done before the girls woke up. But somewhere in the rush of getting ready for ballet and getting out the door, then fighting with a 3-year-old in Target who wanted and begged for everything in sight, my attitude soured and so did the day. I won't go into details with everything that went wrong that day or even on Thursday. I really am trying not to complain so much and to be a more positive person. Nothing happened or went wrong that doesn't happen to just about every mother at some point. It's all a part of life with small kids. I will say this, bad habits are hard to break and with the stress and frustration came not feeling like cooking dinner and snacking way too much on whatever I could get my hands on.

I'm going to focus on the fact that I did still lose half a pound. That's still progress. I'm going to focus on the fact that most of these kid issues are phases that hopefully will soon dissipate and my cooperative, happy kids will return. :) I'm going to stay positive, keeping praying, keep reading, and keep trusting in the One in charge. Even when I really feel like quitting, He has the strength and the ability to get me through.

"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. " Isaiah 40:31 (NIV)

Some other words of encouragement I found:

• How to Keep Going When Your Tank is Empty
• Sometimes I wanna...QUIT
  

Weigh-In Friday

No complaints or frustrations to vent about today. After two weeks I have already met my monthly goal of losing 5 pounds and am excited to see how the rest of the month will go.

In light of the Haiti earthquake and seeing, hearing and reading about the devastation occurring there I am reminded that I have so much to be thankful for and am truly blessed. As I was grocery shopping yesterday I could not help but think about what the people in Haiti must be feeling, some not knowing if loved ones are okay and not knowing if they will have a place to sleep or food to eat. We are so truly blessed and my heart and prayers go out to everyone affected by the Haiti earthquake.

Who?

The Bible I am using for my "Read the Bible in One Year" is the NIV Women's Devotional Bible. As I was reading tonight, Job 35-37, I noticed a devotion based on chapter 36, verses 21-33. After reading the three chapters I read the devotion and am so glad I did. Below is taken from this devotion:

Instead of trying to fix or control my struggles or circumstances, rather than trying to figure out the what, when, where and why of my struggle, focus instead on Who:

• God is Elohim - the Creator, who made me for a purpose.
• God is El Elyon - God Most High, whose ways are higher than my ways.
• God is El Roi - the God who sees and knows where I am and how I feel.
• God is El Shaddai - the Lord God Almighty, the one who can change me or walk with me through my circumstances as surely as He can send rain from heaven.
  

Mid-week Check In

Change is hard!!! Yes, I should have known this already and part of me did know it. I guess I did not realize just how difficult these resolutions and changes would be until actually getting in the process.

Ever heard the phrase "talk is cheap?" Well, it was so much easier to say I'm going to lose the weight, to say I'm going to devote more time to God and His word, to say I'm going to start attending Sunday school and get more involved with church. These statements were easy to say. It was easy to believe I could accomplish them. Doing so is not so easy!

It is only the second week in the new year and I am not going to get discouraged already. I'm actually not doing too poorly in my opinion even though I think I can still do better. But yesterday was the first day I really actually struggled. Each and every food choice was a battle between what I wanted, what I craved and what I actually should eat. Making myself sit down and read was a struggle. And even though I sat at the computer doing various tasks throughout the day, I still could not take the 5 minutes necessary to email the church about Sunday school.

This past Sunday I did pick up the information sheet on Sunday school. I now have a list of the classes offered, the teachers, and the contact information so that is at least something.

I'm actually not behind on my reading. However, I am sort of regretting not buying the Chronological Bible and following along with Wendy Pope's blog to accomplish the task of reading the Bible in one year. I think the group encouragement and discussions would have not only motivated me more but also I would be taking away a lot more knowledge and understanding from the readings than me just reading on my own. I am still debating whether it is too late to join in and whether it would be impossible to catch up at this point.

Weight loss - well snacking is probably going to be my downfall. Yesterday was the first day I felt hungry between meals. It was also the first day I craved something sweet. I have a few recipes for "healthy" desserts and was really tempted to make some chocolate chip cookies but I did not have all the ingredients. Plus I know the cookies and desserts are only OK if I stick to the serving size. So when the chocolate chip cookie recipe has a serving size of 1 cookie, if I ate 3 or 4 or 5 cookies it would really be defeating the purpose. I'm currently looking for a good granola recipe as well. I thought that would be something good to snack on between meals or even to add to some yogurt and fruit in the morning for breakfast.

The last couple of days I have done the exercise on demand 1-mile walk. Yesterday I really did not feel like doing it but made myself anyway and I'm really glad I did or else I would feel even more guilty about the Moose Munch I ate last night! I tried to do the workout this morning but my on demand programs are "currently unavailable." I can't tell you how annoying that is. I even tried a few other exercise programs and none of them were working. The walking programs are by Leslie Sansone and I really like them. I looked on Target.com and found several DVD sets for about $10-$15. I still have a Target gift card from Christmas to use and have decided the DVDs are well worth the investment. If I have the workouts on DVD I can't use the on demand excuse anymore!

So I thought this Power Verse from my morning's devotion was rather fitting for my blog entry as well:

Romans 12:2 "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." (NLT - emphasis added by me)

I need to remember I am not alone in this process. I said from the beginning I wanted to do only what I felt God was leading me to do. As long as I am not trying to do this all on my own I still believe I can accomplish all that I have set out to do.

A Day of Lessons Learned

Today was, well, it was challenging. But with challenges come good lessons learned.

• Today I learned in order for us to stand any chance of making it to Sunday School I will have to plan and prepare the night before. We were not planning on attending Sunday school today but I woke up earlier than usual and jumped in the shower before the girls awoke. I felt good and knew we wouldn't be rushing out the door to get to church on time - for a change. And then before I knew it we only had 30 minutes before we needed to leave, neither of the girls were dressed, I wasn't dressed, and the diaper bags were not yet packed. Once again I was rushing to get everything and everyone ready to go and we left 10 minutes later than we should all of which put me in a not so great mood.
  
• Today I learned it is much easier to control what I am eating and how much I am eating when I am not feeling guilty about losing my patience with a 3-year-old.
• Today I learned it feels much better and is much easier to pray for help than to not ask God for help only to later have to pray for forgiveness. (This isn't really a new lesson learned but one re-enforced and reiterated.)
• Today I learned one person's bad mood and attitude (mine) is very contagious and will spread to the rest of the family quickly ruining the day for all.

So today was not perfect but I would not say it was all bad either. Since I am working on my "tomorrow" attitude I won't end the post with "tomorrow is another day." Instead I will change my attitude NOW, sneak into the girls' rooms a little later and whisper "I'm sorry and I love you" in their sweet little ears, tell my husband the same and go to bed a happier person in order to get a better start to the day after today! :)

Weigh-In Friday

Soooo...even after being a little discouraged with the beginning of the week I am so incredibly happy - and encouraged - by today's weigh-in. I'll just cut to the chase and post the photo.


I got off and on the scale three different times because I personally couldn't believe what I was seeing. 3 pounds!! Woohoo!

I made a couple of adjustments in the last couple of days. I was trying to drink plenty of water but struggled with drinking the amount recommended. I have a 32 oz. plastic bottle I filled up with ice and water Wednesday afternoon and yesterday. Throughout the day I would sip here and there and have come close to finishing the bottle by the end of the day. I know I am supposed to be drinking more water but I think this is a huge improvement and step in the right direction. I also managed to do a 20 minute, 1 mile walk yesterday in my living room using the Exercise On Demand channel. I hope I'll be able to do the same walking workout later today after grocery shopping and our other appointments.

As for my other resolutions, I spent the girls' nap time yesterday catching up on my reading. Today I am going to email the church about Sunday school times and specifics. All in all it has been a great end to the week! And I'm not even going to go out and celebrate with food! Ha ha ha!

Mid-week Check In

I wish I could say I feel great about how the week is going. I am now two days behind on my reading (three if you count today's reading), I haven't made any steps toward getting information about Sunday school and I haven't exercised at all.

I woke up a little disappointed with myself and bummed but certainly not ready to give up on anything. I began to tell myself "tomorrow is another day" and "tomorrow will be better." Then I sat down at the computer with a cup of coffee and began reading today's Proverbs 31 devotion. I love it when I feel like a devotion was written just for me, specific to even that day. Today was one of those devotions.

You can click on the link to read the entire devotion (it's a good one!) but basically the message was this: "Be today who you want to be tomorrow." If I truly want to make changes in my life, if I truly want God to work within me I can not limit God to "well tomorrow I'll be ready" and "tomorrow is a new day." Start today! Even now, it is 9:45 pm but the day is not over.

After reading my devotion this morning I decided I am going to work on my "tomorrow" attitude. Will I still continue to mess up? Yes. Will I have more days of getting behind on my reading? Probably. But it is important to work every moment of every day towards being the person I want to be and God wants me to be. It's important to not throw away the rest of the day over one slip-up. Ask for forgiveness and the strength and encouragement and motivation to move past the mistake.

Psalm 90:12 "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

Slow but Steady Start

Keeping up with my resolutions has been challenging the first couple of days. I have found myself waiting until bedtime to read my Bible. Fortunately the first couple of readings have been short and easy to get through but I know I will come across readings requiring more attention and focus and time to get through. This will be something to work on in the next few days. Maybe I can read while the girls are napping in the afternoon or try to get up a little earlier in the mornings and do my reading before or after my daily devotions.

Diets - I don't really believe them in the obvious definition of the word. I don't believe in starving myself or doing some type of extreme no-carb or no sugar or protein shake type of plan. Instead I want to focus on eating healthier, more balanced meals and snacks. I want to lose the weight and keep the weight off and forever change my eating habits. I have a tremendous sweet tooth and to be honest I can't imagine giving up all sweets. There is a lot to be said about portion control and moderation.

My eating has not been horrible the past couple of days but it could be a lot better. Not to start making excuses but I desperately need to do some grocery shopping. We are out of pretty much everything at the moment so I have done the best I could with what we have here. Yesterday we ate out because we were at my father-in-law's for our Christmas celebration. I think I did pretty decent with my choices. As I worked on my grocery list earlier I made sure to think about some easy but good lunch and breakfast options for myself. I am confident the coming week will be an improvement!

I have not started any kind of exercise, other than keeping up with the kids. The next couple of days my mom and I will be out and about shopping. It is so cold here so I figure I'll be running in and out of stores carrying one of the girls. That can be considered exercise, right? Okay, maybe not the exercise I need but my goal is to start some type of exercise by the end of the week.

First Weigh-In Friday

Well it begins today. My starting weight is:


It could be worse, especially after our New Year's dinner last night. I have 19.5 lbs total to lose to reach my goal weight. Break it down to the four months I set for myself and I need to lose on average just under 5lbs a month. I think I have heard a healthy weight loss is about 1-2 lbs a week so my goal is at least realistic!