Keeping the Faith

The past couple of Sundays our pastor has preached on faith. This past Sunday's sermon must have touched quite a few of us because after many requests the pastor sent out a church-wide email with a copy of the poem he read as part of the sermon. The poem had been one woman's creed, something she read every morning to begin her day, something she strived to do each and every day.

I have a feeling reading this each day will become a daily routine for many of us - I know it will mine!

Today, I will keep the faith.
I will be courageous in the face of fear,
humble in the face of pride,
loving in the face of hate,
sweet in the face of bitterness,
and holy in the face of ungodliness.
I will be strong for the weak,
faithful for the fearful,
company for the lonely,
and hope for the helpless.
I will keep the faith with joy,
so contagious and so compelling,
that Christ will be reflected
with blinding radiance in my face.
Today, I,
even if I alone,
will keep the faith.

My Church (conclusion ~ finally!)

Over four months ago I began telling the story of how I came to choose my church. My sister kindly reminded me I sort of left everyone hanging and she personally wanted to hear the rest of the story. I have not been very consistent with my blogging as of late and I apologize but life gets busy as all of you know. For my sister and those others of you interested here it is - the rest of the story - as accurately and in as much detail as I can now remember being 6 months or so after the events actually took place!

I left off My Church (part 2) stating a few events occurred leading me to my decision. The first would be the announcement of a new members class being scheduled in the bulletin. To decide for certain if this was the church for me and my family I needed to learn more about the church and get to know some of the people. The new members class I felt would be a good start so I kept looking in the bulletin and the church website for when the class would be scheduled.

In the meantime a reunion with an old friend took me by surprise. One Sunday morning as Ed and I were walking towards the stairwell to get to our usual balcony seats I saw what I thought was a familiar face. I continued walking racking my brain whether or not the person could actually be who I thought. The following Sunday a baptism was scheduled and I read in the bulletin the name of the parents - Beth and Chip. The familiar face was indeed an old friend from college and her husband was the guy she was dating the last we had spoken. In fact one of the last times I saw Beth she had just gotten engaged. At this point a thousand thoughts are running through my mind. What were the chances of running into someone I knew over 10 years ago? Would Beth recognize or remember me? We had one class together and often hung out in the same circle of friends but still, would she know me? And then I started thinking about the kind of life I lived and questioned would I even want her to remember me!

A few Sundays passed before I worked up the courage to speak with Beth. As soon as I said hello she said "Tiffany?" It was a relief. We chatted briefly before church and she invited me to the Women of Faith group that met on Monday nights. Every Sunday following we chatted and after the Ash Wednesday service we exchanged email addresses and decided to get together for lunch. At lunch we were able to catch up and Beth told me a lot about the church and various programs. She has been a member for years and is very involved in the church. Knowing I am definitely more of a quiet and shy person she offered to introduce me to some people.

It was such a great lunch and I am so happy I got over my embarrassment of my younger days and approached Beth. In fact never really have those days even came up and when I think about it now it is kind of ridiculous for me to even let it bother me. I definitely made some mistakes and bad choices but God has forgiven me and I am certainly a different person now. It seems at times a lifetime ago and definitely time for me to let it go.

I have been attending Women of Faith regularly since my lunch with Beth. I attended the new members classes where I got to know my pastor better and he got to know a little about me and my family. I met quite a few other people wanting to become members and met some existing members as well. I learned quite a bit about the church. I felt home at this church and knew this is where God wanted me to be.

There was no one big sign from God "Tiffany this is your church!" but instead God took away all my excuses for putting it off, all the reasons why I was not sure. I had been attending this church for over a year. Beth was a member and had been attending the entire time but never had we noticed each other before. I had been really praying to meet someone, get to know someone and then one Sunday there was someone I already knew. Coincidence? I was too timid to call the church office and meet with the pastor about becoming a member and then there it was in black and white - a new members class beginning. God was giving me gentle nudges here and there. God was answering my prayers.

On May 16th I was baptized and became a member. It was a really great day.

Over the past few months I've gotten to know quite a few people. I volunteered for VBS in June and as of yesterday can check off one of my resolutions as being reached because finally I made it to Sunday School. I went to the Family Life class where they were starting a new study "Boundaries with Kids" and Gabrielle went to the 2-3-4 year old class while Samantha was in the nursery. After church I attended the Children's Council meeting where I found myself signing up to help with a couple of upcoming events planned. I am eager to get more involved with church, with missions and with various other programs.

This church is my home. It is a place I can learn and grow in my relationship with God. It is a place I can serve and follow God's calling. There have definitely been times the past few years when I did not think my prayers would ever be answered, when I did not think I would ever find my place. But God did answer my prayers and He was listening and He had a plan all along.

Randomness

This morning I came across this blog post "Something Has To Give" over at (In)Courage. I really love this site but even though it is saved as a favorite I don't always remember to check it daily. But today the Lord definitely meant for me to read the post. Does it take away all my feelings of being overwhelmed? Well, no, but I at least feel a little better about it and am reaffirmed of my biggest priority.

For some random thoughts, I made some zucchini bread yesterday. I love zucchini bread and look forward to making it each summer. And my whole family loves it as well! Even though it does have sugar I feel like it is at least somewhat healthy for them since it is full of zucchini. Zucchini bread can count as a vegetable serving, right?

Leftovers - I'm stuck about what to do with them. Don't get me wrong I know my weight gain mostly has to do with not exercising and partaking in all the cakes, cookies and desserts (as well as chips, fries and Chick-fil-A) we've had so much of recently but my other "weakness" is leftovers. Like most families we are on a budget and the food bill is one area I am always trying to cut back on. It almost kills me to see food go to waste so when leftovers are reaching their expiration I find myself overeating just so it doesn't go to waste. Sometimes eating leftovers is not so bad because I do try to cook healthy meals for the family but leftovers are no longer a good thing if I'm eating a little bit of several different meals and end up eating what should be 2-3 meals worth of food!! I figure I need to either figure out a way to cook just slightly less so there aren't as many leftovers hanging around or to build up my willpower to eating only what I "should" eat and to be okay with throwing away a little.

The Ugly Truth

Sometimes the truth is ugly - very ugly...

and I'm not talking about the horrible lack of a pedicure. That was a quick and easy fix. The number on the scale not so much.

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed right now. I feel like I have so many different things I want to do, goals I want to reach and of course there is everyday life that needs my attention. I'm struggling with setting priorities and finding a balance among all of these.

Somewhere along the way of this journey of my new year resolutions I got off track. I wish I could pinpoint the moment it happened but I've tried and I can't. I'm not sure if it was a gradual process or if one decision did me in. I do know I am having a very difficult time getting back on track and not with my weight loss alone but my daily reading, staying on top of regular household duties, work, and of course spending time with my family. Time is going by way too fast. Too many times I go to bed with a list of promises of what I will get accomplished the next day and too many times none of those accomplishments happen. Too many times I put off sitting with my girls to do something fun in order to get the kitchen dishes done or the laundry folded. Before I know it the day is gone and the opportunity is gone with it.

More than anything I want my girls to have memories of spending fun, quality time with their Mommy. More than anything I want my girls to trust I will always have time for them as they grow up. In order to be the best Mommy I can I know I have to take care of myself as well. I have to find little bits of time for myself here and there in order to stay sane and focused. Unfortunately there will always be other responsibilities I can not ignore such as work and keeping up with the house. And believe me, it's not like I have high standards of an orderly house - I wish I was as particular and detailed as other people I know sometimes!

Am I rambling? Am I making any sense in this post at all? Can you understand my dilemma? I'm sure what I am feeling is a common feeling among moms whether you are a working mom or a stay at home mom. Life as a mom is overwhelming at times. I'd love to hear how other moms balance it all or at least handle the feeling of being overwhelmed!

Statistics

I knew it had been quite a while since I last posted - I had no idea the last post was April 16th!! I knew I had not posted at all in May but mid-April?? Well here I am, I have not given up on the blog or even my resolutions although my actions would not say the same.

I read online that 40-45% of the population makes one or more new year resolutions. Of that only 46% are maintaining that resolution after 6 months. I'm barely part of that statistic.

I can't say I have done much the past month working towards my weight loss. A walk here or there. A salad here or there. And that is about it. Amazingly I have maintained my weight for the most part. I've fluctuated between my lowest of 147 lbs. the very first of the month to 151 lbs. - my current weight. Typically I weigh myself everyday and once I see the number going up a pound or two then I try to have a good day or two.

The desire to get down to 140 lbs. is definitely still there. Unfortunately the drive has not been. I'm not ready to throw in the towel just yet. I may not have reached my goal of 140lbs. by May 1st but I still believe I can do it by the end of the summer.

Let's see - for my other resolutions. Reading the Bible all the way through in a year is definitely not going to happen. I am so far behind on that goal there is no way to catch up. But one positive that has come of the resolution is that I can say I have read something everyday. Whether it is a hand full of verses to go along with my daily devotions or a chapter or two, I have read everyday. (I'm sure there has been a day here or there in which I may not have read but I can honestly say only a hand full of days total.) I have really liked my One Year Chronological Bible and will definitely set this same goal next year. And if I can get my act together maybe I can finish up the year doing better than the first part of the year.

We still have not attended Sunday school but we are definitely getting more involved in our new church. I was baptized and became a member May 16th. Samantha, my youngest, was baptized this past Sunday. Gabrielle is registered for VBS and I have volunteered to be a family group helper as well. I am going to our Women of Faith Bible study on Monday nights and I am getting to know more people as well. July is when the new Sunday school year starts at our church and I am determined to start Sunday school then.

Life has been busy and hectic and I'm learning to cut myself a little slack from time to time. Life will never be perfect - I'll certainly never be perfect - but I do keep trying to better myself, getting healthier and in better shape and to strive to have a closer relationship with God.

I'll be back soon with an "official" weigh-in. Wish me luck with finding that drive and motivation I had at the beginning of the year for all my resolutions!!

21-Day Habit (& a weigh-in)

According to research it takes 21 days to form a new habit. I did an Internet search for this fact because after a month or more of not exercising and a few weeks of not particularly watching what I eat I was curious how long it would take to get back into my groove. I thought I had gotten to a point in which exercising early in the a.m. was a habit and where not eating the scraps from the girls' sandwiches or having that piece of cake and a couple a cookies for dessert was second nature.

I guess habits are harder to make than to break!!

This week is the first week since last fall I've take the girls for a walk outside. Now of course we have been outside and there have been times we've gone for little strolls but I wouldn't call walking at a 3-1/2 year old's pace exercise especially when said 3-1/2 year old stops for every dandelion.

Tuesday morning and yesterday morning I packed snacks and juice cups, squeezed Gabrielle into the double stroller with her sister, and we headed for a walk. Gabrielle seems to have been fortunate to inherit her daddy's long legs (yes it will be a pain when it comes to buying jeans in the tween and teen years but I hope she will appreciate the tall lean build once she is an adult) and to put her in the double stroller is quite a task but she isn't quite so big that she complains about being uncomfortable so hopefully we can get through the summer. Our neighborhood is constant up and down hill and if I walk the entire circle it would be a little over 2 miles. I'm not quite at that point yet but the routes I've been taking have been about a mile. At the end of my first walk on Tuesday I thought about pushing the double stroller the first time last summer. What a difference!

Before this past December I did not own a scale. What I weighed was just never an issue or concern of mine. As long as I fit into my clothes I was happy. This is still somewhat true but I decided if I wanted to lose weight I needed that daily number to help motivate and push me. Anyway, last June when visiting my mom I weighed myself for the first time since my monthly doctor appointments while pregnant with Samantha. I was not happy with the number I saw. I knew it was not going to be good. I knew what I had weighed at my last doctor appointment and Samantha was only about 6 weeks old. I was the heaviest I have ever been in my entire life - 176 lbs. I decided right then I had to start exercising and get some of the weight off.

I can remember my first few walks. By the time I reached home my muscles burned, my legs itched and I could barely catch my breath. I was drenched in sweat and my face was so red I caused Ed to be more than concerned. My heart was beating and pounding so fast I felt like it was going to explode out of my chest. To say I was out of shape would have been an understatement. But I stuck to it at least until mid-September. I walked 3-4 times a week and there were some days I walked twice. I would walk in the morning pushing the girls in the double stroller which felt like a ton up hill in the NC summer heat and then I would walk solo after dinner when Ed was home, just to get a little mental break.

My walks this week have been so much easier. My muscles are still tight and the stroller, now even heavier with growing children, is still a challenge at times. I'm still out of breath by the time I reach home but now it only takes a few minutes to recover and feel energized. I no longer feel like my heart is going to explode and I no longer feel like I'm on the verge of passing out. When I compare how much better I feel all around now that a good bit of the weight is off and now that I am in so much better shape a smile comes to my face.

And this all brings me to the point of this whole weight-loss journey - to be at my healthiest for myself and for my family. If I never reach that magic number I came up with as my goal I'll be a little disappointed but I will be satisfied knowing I have come a long, long way since last summer and that I am feeling better than I have in a really long time.

Weigh-In Finally :-)

This was actually a welcomed number. I expected it to be much, much worse. For the past two weeks I have eaten whatever I wanted and I have only made two very weak attempts at actual exercise. So after all the chips, burgers, fries, cupcakes, cookies, icecream, huge helpings of pasta and candy including those delicious Cadbury eggs I have absolutely no willpower around, gaining only two pounds is astounding.

I have about 3 weeks to meet my goal of 140 lbs. I'm not sure if this is possible but I am committing myself today to working as hard as I possibly can to at least try. When May 1st is here I have to at least know I really, truly tried. If I can say I worked as hard as I can without my family and other priorities in my life suffering then I will be happy with whatever the scale says that day. May 1st is my daughter's first birthday and I will certainly be celebrating that day no matter what!